Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Blaze: Chapter 43

As the young (unmarried) couple spend four days trekking to the land of Hazard's people, Hazard spend most of his time brooding over what to do about his engagement to his wife's younger sister, HfH (Hot for Hazard, incase you forgot) Gurl. When they finally reach his lodge amongst his people, Hazard is WIPED from having not slept for a month and having carried Blaze's more and more pregnant ass across the Montana wild. Hazard is hoping for some serious snooze time when he finds that HfH Gurl is waiting patiently outside his hut. Hazard PLEADS with Blaze to keep her cool and just let him handle this later cause oh god I'm sooooooooooo sleepy and Blaze consents, seeing how very very tired her big strong man is. They talk about how they would fight for each other and blah blah blah goo goo ick. He takes Blaze inside the hut and walks with HfH gurl back to father, Bold Ax. He returns his bride-to-be, offers Bold Ax all of his ponies (see: LOTS AND LOTS OF MONIES) and apologizes for his lack of diplomatic abilities and leaves. Bold Ax accepts his offer and Hazard returns to Blaze GETTING OFF SCOTT FREE. WHY did they even put the part in there about HfH Gurl? It was and ENTIRE CHARACTER SUBPLOT that went NOWHERE. Weak.

Hazard returns to Blaze and tells her she cost 300 ponies. Blaze likes being the center of attention and wants to bang. Hazard ask for at least one hour of sleep before doing the humpty hump and Blaze agrees.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Blaze: Chapter 42

Hazard and Blaze ride into a collection of rocks that Hazard knows from all his Indian scouting days. He sets Blaze carefully in the shade and surveys the land below. He spots four riders following their trail. Hazard decides his best idea is to face them from the rocks and he asks Blaze if she knows how to shoot. Blaze says she does, kinda, and Hazard giver her a rifle and says he'll be back soon. Blaze: Don't you mean IF you come back. Hazard: WHEN I come back. I promise. I'm not quite sure HOW Hazard has the ability to see the future and act so damn confident but what do I know? I've never written a romance novel!

Hazard sets a trap by putting one horse in the field running along the creek (convenient) and the other horse he snags the bridle in a tree, so i looks like he got stuck there. Hazard hopes his attention to detail will attract the trackers close enough so he can get a clean shot. Isn't he clever! He heads back into the rock, takes the rifle from Blaze and settles in to wait. Eventually he sees the trackers coming up the creek bed, two he recognizes as this dude from this thing who is super deadly and the other dude is from this other thing and he is also super deadly. There are more detailed descriptions in the book, but since these men are due to be dead soon (What?! That's not a spoiler! You can't tell me you didn't see that coming!) I don't see any reason to go through a lengthy description. So Hazard shoots both of them with one shot (HOW DOES HE DO THAT? I mean... all they say is he fires a shot and two men fall down. What the hell?! I didn't even know Hazard was PLANNING on doing such a thing until he did it! I can't decide if this is sneaky or poor set up on the authors part.) and then goes down into the creek bed to flush the other two dudes out (the less deadly ones).

Hazard flushes out the two other dudes by jumping into the creek bed and starts to fight them. Blaze, freaking out but keeping her shit together, shoots one from the rocks (WITHOUT HITTING HAZARD WHICH IS AMAZING) and Hazard shoots the other. Hazard confirms the dudes are dead (Yup. They're dead.) and goes back to the rocks and Blaze. They coo at each other and make starry eyed looks at each other a bunch. Blaze and Hazard both think about the INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS AGAINST THEM, but decide its best not to talk about because, hey, we just lived through that shit! They saddle back up and start to ride into the territory, thinking that they've got problems, but it'll be okay, because we're TOGETHER (gag).

Blaze: Chapter 41

Hazard wakes, bathes in the stream (cause remember... thats what REAL native americans DO cause they're VERY CLEAN PEOPLE NO REALLY I READ IT IN THIS BOOK SOMEWHERE) and chit chats with Lydia. She reminds Hazard not to push Blaze TOO HARD cause she's just a wee slip of a thing and its gonna be tough but I think you two will make it. Hazard hopes to out-run Fancy Yancy, but realizes he will have to kill the fucker eventually. Lydia tells him to focus on Blaze and the baby, not killing and maiming.

Blaze and Hazard leave Lydia's and set off for Hazard's people. Hazard buys a stage coach, drivers and some horses in the next town, easy as pie, and since AUTHORITY DRIPS FROM HIS POURS, nobody questions why he needs these things and in such a hurry. I'm not totally sure WHY the author needs to tell us over and over and over again how muscly and intimidating Hazard is, but APPARENTLY its an important plot point to the story. So make a note in your journals kiddies: Hazard = MUSCLES AND AUTHORITY. Got it? Good.

They ride like hell for a few days before Hazard notices a cloud of dust following their stage coach. He assesses it to be eight to ten hired men chasing after them. But no worries, Hazard has a plan! Hazard leaps onto the back of the stage horses (nimble! lithe!) and cuts the two leads free (ingenuity! skill!) and pulls the two horses back behind the stage. Hazard instructs the drivers to keep pushing at full speed to the next town, while he and Blaze hop onto the horses he cut free and ride off into the sunset THE END (no... no. thats not the end. they ride off towards a creek bed with the hopes that the trackers won't notice their tracks. Still not the end. Sorry.).

Monday, July 9, 2012

Blaze: Chapter 40

This chapter takes a VERY LONG TIME to get anywhere, so i'll do my best to make it shorter (and therefor better! Thank god i'm here.) Blaze asks Lydia what she should do about Hazard. Lydia says she needs to stop worrying cause Hazard loves her, no question about it. Blaze is skeptical but hopeful. Hazard comes back from his walk, eats a lot of dinner and we learn that Hazard knows Lydia from when he was 15. Blaze is fascinated by the tales Lydia has to tell about Hazard and listens to her stories deep into the night. It gets late and Hazard says he's going to sleep outside and everyone should get some shut eye. Lydia isn't going to have any married couple sleeping in separate beds in her home (EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY AREN'T REALLY LEGALLY MARRIED HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS?!) so Hazard better bunk up with Blaze or he'll get what's coming to him. Hazard acquiesce the command and heads to bed with Blaze. Blaze gets in bed and Hazard in beside her and they just lay there. Blaze realizes that she's really lost Hazard FOREVER and begins to cry silently. Hazard eventually hears her and his heart goes out to her. Hazard pulls Blaze into his arms and she sobs and sobs, saying how tired she is of resisting and being strong. Hazard feels like a fool and says he will be strong for both of them and the baby from here on out. They say more things about needing each other and being strong together and Blaze reminds him that she didn't write the note he thinks she wrote. Hazard, STILL NOT BELIEVING HER, says it doesn't matter, he DOESN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. So instead of talking it out they fuck and everything is as it once was. Hoo-fucking-ray.

Blaze: Chapter 39

Blaze convinces Hazard that she is tired of being on the run non-stop and wants to sleep in a bed in [insert name of what I will assume is a mid-west town here]. Hazard hems and haws but eventually agrees after seeing how TIRED AND FRAIL AND FULL OF FETUS Blaze is. Blaze squeals and rushes Hazard, hugging him. Hazard has VERY MIXED FEELINGS because he has been avoiding physical contact with Blaze and here she is, all pressed up on him and all he can think about is BONING HER SENSELESS. More conflicted feelings blah blah blah life in the balance boner boner boner whatever. He gently pushes Blaze away and says he knows where they can go.

Hazard packs Blaze into a stage coach and they head towards the outskirts of town. Blaze cries for awhile (with "silently splashing" tears (wha?)), realizing that Hazard really might not come back to her and how will she ever pierce his heart when he BELIEVES THINGS THAT JUST STRAIGHT UP DON'T MAKE SENSE. They stop at a farm house way outside of town and we are introduced to Lydia Bailey. She tsks at Hazard for his obvious rough treatment of the girl, takes Blaze and bundles her into bed. Hazard frets silently until he is permitted to see Blaze. He apologizes for pushing her so hard and she says she's fine and she thinks the baby is doing well, but she doesn't really know cause, ya know, she's never been knocked up before. Hazard REALIZES HE IS TALKING TO THE SAME BLAZE AS THE BLAZE HE MARRIED (Pah! She's wet blanket Blaze now. No more blaze in that Blaze there...) and feels CONFLICTED. It was so easy to think of her just as the woman raising his beh-bay when she was TWO THOUSAND MILES AWAY but now that she's HERE its much harder to dismiss her. They tip toe around each others feelings for a bit before Hazard admits he's scared of Blaze and the power she holds over him. Hazard leaves to tend to the horses and Blaze sleeps like a log.

Hazard sits on the porch with Lydia, and tells her about Yancy, Mummy and why they're chasing them. Lydia informs him that Blaze loves him and she has had 8 beh-bays and knows a thing or two about relationships and if you want to make it work, you can make it work. So there. They chit chat on the porch for awhile until Blaze wakes and joins them. She ogles Hazard from the doorway for a bit before joining them on the porch. Lydia removes herself from the porch and Blaze asks if Hazard remembers the good times (i'm paraphrasing). Hazard INTENSELY REMEMBERS THE GOOD TIMES and is having trouble keeping his feelings in check wherever Blaze is involved. Blaze asks Hazard why they can't be together and Hazard says BECAUSE WE JUST CREATE PROBLEMS BEING TOGETHER I'M GOING FOR A WALK STOP LOOKING AT ME. Hazard jumps the railing and saunters off. I wish I could just walk away from conversations I don't want to have. Then my life can be as simple and exciting as Jon Hazard Black's!!

Blaze: Chapter 38

Mummy is very upset to hear that Blaze has escaped from Madame something something's and demands that Fancy Yancy go after her. Mummy reminds him that they need her cause there is NO WAY Mummy is supporting both herself and Yancy on her MEAGER INHERITANCE. As it stands, I'm not really sure WHY Mummy and Yancy need Blaze since they have that nice power of attorney piece of paper but in true single faceted villain fashion its either everyone is dead or nothing is okay. So Mummy asks Yancy how much is it going to cost to run the two love birds to the ground and Yancy gives her a list of all the horses and supplies and super sneaky trackers he needs to hire. Yancy figures they can't have more than a days head start and he'll get to them way before they get to Montana. Mummy asks how he knows they're heading west? Besides the fact that its OBVIOUS Yancy tells her (in a matter-of-factly tone) that Hazard's an Injun, thats how he knows.


Sunday, April 22, 2012

Blaze: Chapter 37

Sitting in a hired carriage headed West, Blaze tells Hazard that she was FORCED to sign all her monies and power of attorney over to her Mummy and Yancy but she made sure to leave everything to the baby in her will.  This does not quite jive with Hazard's view that she didn't want the baby (and therefore him) but he is stubborn enough to make sure that he ignores anything that doesn't fit with his world view.  Hazard falls asleep as Blaze gets ready to snap back at him and she realizes how EXHAUSTED poor Hazard is.  Her heart goes out to him and blah blah blah HE MAY BE A JERK BUT HE'S MY JERK.  Gag.  When Hazard awakens to see to a change of the horses, Blaze attempts to lay some logic on Hazard but he'll have none of it.  His memory of almost being buried alive all too fresh for him to forgive her even though its pretty obvious she had nothing to do with it.  Here is a direct quote to show you how much time Hazard has REALLY thought about this: Blaze: "Why would I leave a note, anyway, if I'd had a hand in with Yancy?"  Hazard: "Protect yourself, I suppose.  Hell, don't ask me to figure it out.  I gave up on that quite a few weeks ago." CAUSE IF I'VE DECIDED IT'S TRUE BUT CAN'T LOGICALLY FIGURE OUT HOW IT'S TRUE IT STILL MUST BE TRUE.  Blaze tells him she isn't giving up on him that easy and will scratch out the eyes of any woman who tries to get near him.  Hazard is unfazed.

They board a train in upstate New York for St. Louis and Hazard hires a whole car, which he keeps Blaze locked in anytime he leaves.  Blazes reminds him she isn't trying to escape from him but Hazard is unmoved.  This goes on for a few days till Hazard comes in with breakfast one morning to find Blaze vomiting.  She explains its morning sickness and he holds her hair, cradles her and props her up in a chair with some pillows.  After realizing his was being NICE, he gets moody and super quiet around Blaze.  Blaze eventually has enough of this and forces him to talk to her.  They talk about Yancy possibly being on their trail and a bunch of other stuff till we learn that Hazard's first wife died after she tried to give herself an abortion.  Blaze is very apologetic about his first wife, says she never planned to go through with the abortion anyway, and asks Hazard to just try to be her friend.  Hazard agrees but is sure to leave the train car anytime Blaze dresses or undresses, so as not to be "lured or enchanted again by Blaze's beauty or sensuality."  Cause, ya know, Hazard has to make sure to keep everything in his pants lest his FEELINGS come jutting out.  Eww.

Blaze: Chapter 36

Blaze is escorted to a very lavish but slightly tacky bedroom in Madame something something's abortion asylum, all ready to talk Madame something something into taking her black pearls and letting her run away from Fancy Yancy. She grits her teeth as the door opens, but who is it but none other than Mr. Jon Hazard Black! He must have really booked it to get from New York to Boston so quick. Blaze is shocked, overjoyed but then wary cause she sees how pissed off Hazard looks. She asks how he knew where she was, which just acts as fuel on the fire of Hazard anger. There is a lot of blah blah blah where Hazard gents angry, then calms himself by remembering Blaze is a spoiled bitch and says something cold and calculating that he thinks makes total sense but just succeeds in confusing Blaze and being rude. Blaze eventually becomes overwhelmed by her hearts gladness at seeing him, even though she is confused by Hazard's anger, and she starts to tear up. I'm going to chalk all this up the the baby, because FIREY Blaze would NEVER show such a lowly emotion in front of anyone, but maybe firey Blaze is all gone and we won't get to see her anymore... damn. Blaze is concerned for Hazed being in the same house as Yancy but apparently Hazard paid off Madame something something to let him steal Blaze out from under Yancy's nose. There a bunch more blah blah blah where Hazard is VERY COLD AND UNFEELING and Blaze MISSED HAZARD TERRIBLY but HE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN. He still thinks she was in cahoots with Yancy, which she says she wasn't, but Hazard always jumps to the correct conclusions and she left a NOTE so that is obvious proof obviously. Hazard informs Blaze he is taking her back to Montana so the baby can be born with his people and then Blaze can get the fuck out of his life. Blaze says what if she doesn't want to leave to which Hazard replies you totes will WANT to leave because you'll be 2nd wife to my dead wife's sister who i'm gonna marry but lets not talk about that now cause we gotta go! Blaze tells him THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT OVER BUT OKAY and they escape out the window.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Blaze: Chapter 35

So SOMEONE shows up at Mummy's house (the author doesn't say who until almost the end of the chapter; she just calls him "he" a whole bunch. I'll describe the scene for you and you see if you can guess WHO IT MIGHT BE) and demands to see Blaze. Mummy: She isn't here. Him: Don't care. Get her down here. Mummy: No. Him: Fine. I'll go get her myself. Mummy: Thats foolish. She isn't here. Him: Okay, where is she? Mummy: Not here. Him: Yes, I got that. So WHERE is she? Mummy: None of your bees-wax. Him: Don't get cute. You've got ten seconds to tell me where she is before I choke the life out of you with my bare hands (hmmm... just WHO could that be?! I'm truly stumped). Mummy: You've caused her enough pain already! Just leave her alone! Him: Eight seconds. Mummy: You don't scare me. Him: Five seconds. Mummy: I'm not telling you a damn thing. Him: Two seconds. Mummy: Yancy will kill you when he gets back! Him: Well it is certainly convenient that he isn't here. One second. You're finished.
He grabs her and chokes her till she tells him that Blaze has been taken to see Madame something something in New York. Hazard (OH THATS WHO IT WAS, I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING) drops Mummy and runs out of the house, hell bent to get to New York before something TERRIBLE happens.

PS: I looked ahead and this book totals 47 CHAPTERS WITH AN EPILOGUE! HOW IS THIS BOOK STILL SO FAR FROM BEING OVER?! Gughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Blaze: Chapter 34

While Yancy was correct, Hazard has been sleeping with Rose in her bed, he has NOT been having sex with her. Rose even goes so far as to proposition Hazard for some NSA sexy time, but Hazard politely refuses (SHOCKING). Rose asks Hazard why he doesn't just go after her and how do you know she wrote the note and knew of Yancy's plan and all the other things you've figured out all by yourself? Hazard says he just knows. Rose: Yes, but what about the baby Hazard? Hazard: I am SO ANGRY about that I have to keep my BLINDING RAGE constantly IN CHECK. Rose: * scared * Hazard: Sorry, I just feel like such a dupe... ya know. Since I believe myself to have been duped by my lady love. Rose: * understanding noises *
Once Hazard feels well enough he returns to his people but does not find the solace he seeks. He spends lots of time alone, BROODING LIKE A CHAMP, and the tribe starts to become worried. When Hazard approaches Bold Ax about marrying HfH Gurl they take it as a good sign (WHAT?!). Hazard decides that marrying HfH Gurl will finally squelch all the feeling he has still burning for Blaze (THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND BLAZE WILL PULL HER HAIR OUT). As Hazard sits by a tree in the crisp fall weather watching a mother and her two toddlers play together (condensed down from a page and a half into one sentence) he realizes he HATES EVERYTHING ABOUT BOSTON WINTERS (rightfully so) and NO BABY OF HIS WILL GROW UP THERE. So he saddles up, determined to bring his child back to where it belongs. Rising Wolf checks in with him before he leaves, and Hazard grinds his teeth a bunch and is very determined to win and all the ladies do as he says, or else. I really see this working out for Hazard. I mean this attitude has always done wonders for him, so I can't see it failing now! (end sarcasm.)
Hazard takes the train from Diamond City, resting his arm and sleeping with a hat over his eyes. Everyone is a little wary of him, but gives him his space. Outside of Salt Lake City some rustlers attempt to hold up Hazard's train and are promptly shot dead "in less time than the human eye could follow" (direct quote). Then everyone on the train give him LOTS of space. He makes it to Boston in a little over ten days flat (Ugh. Can you imagine? Ten days sitting on a coal train. Bleghhhhhhh).
Yancy lets Blaze in on the fact that he taking her to get an abortion about an hour before they are scheduled to leave for Planned Parenthood (see: big giant expensive house run by Madame something something in New York). Blaze says you can't make me and Yancy says yes I can and Blaze says you can't make me and Yancy says YES I CAN. Blaze decides this is a good time to try to plan an escape and decides to wear her REALLY EXPENSIVE black pearls, in hopes she can bribe Madame something something in New York to let her sneak away without telling Yancy. Blaze plans to head south in a hired carriage and then hop on a train west from Baltimore and get back to Montana as fast as she can.